Where is the worry, who has hidden my worry It seems to have disappeared but I’m not sorry It decided to go away because it was never welcome I did not invite it, why should I really succumb.
When it used to hang around, it I tried to ignore There it was slinking on every street corner more Like it was waiting for me ready to pounce I was alert, every sinew poised every ounce.
When I relaxed a new picture movie played in my head Would be played out dripping in guilt, even in my bed The film would go on and on, robbed me of my sleep, Accusing voices pointed their crooked fingers at me.
What was I guilty of – no one would ever say or hint I found nothing to back up this tragic pathetic guilt, I was allowing myself to be dragged down like a stone Into the murky oceanic depths – feeling even more alone.
I have challenged this worry with a duel, to the death Such as it was it went unheeded there was no breadth To this feeling of guilt and disgust only stabbing pains As it tried to take out my heart and throw it down the drain.
Anyway, where is the worry now I gingerly ask myself? For now it matters not its significance is left on the shelf, Where it will wither more and more and its own stench Will be its own demise – up there alone it comes to an end!
Such a beautiful woman, who smiles so readily Her presence is pure magic, a strong personality Such is her sweetness it couldn’t be man-made She is more than a match this deadly night shade...
The deadly night shade of evening was ever present Like poison pen warnings, never very pleasant But I have no resistance to explore the acid on her How could she ever love me, my beautiful Bella Donna.
I ponder upon the concept of patience And wonder if it is really a con trick Where I find I have wasted time Waiting for some intangible licence That could give me the freedom To think I could be who I really am.
Trickery I am used to, though it be cruel Giving too much away makes me a fool I am the object of derision and fun making What I ponder maybe does not exist If it did this ponder, would, at once, desist but there is no reason no logic or sense as I ponder the true nature of patience.
I am in the last throes of analysing That which has no real lasting meaning What I ponder is certainly the untouchable, Out of reach rendered, for me, unreasonable Why am I cast into the darkest shadows; Where only tears are acceptable currency.
I did not make the rules but I am ruled By expectancy and a craving for an end To this period of time I’m inclined to call patience, am I able to crush this prison I have built around me out of patience? How can I wear down the patience of any Make believe outlandish rules, how many?
Are there other possible ways to a goal; I ponder upon the stupidity of patience For it presents no concrete evidence Only the vague promises are offered to me And I stare beyond those who hand me Shackles made from the stuff of patience.
I am in this café looking out towards the cars listening, To the rain as it pats the windowpane and glistening In the light of the streetlamps standing sentinel pose, The rhythm of the rain interposing thoughts I suppose. There is no control over the places the rain will fall But at least I have something to listen to after all.
I am in this living room in silence but listening always, There is only my heartbeat I notice pounding away As the quiet cuts decidedly across my concentration There are brief clatters as my keyboard is a distraction But I am not worried my thoughts are in need of renewal, As I discover past mind pictures in places I can recall.
I am in this wooded area and while listening the air is cool, The birds are all of a chatter and sing their songs in tall Trees that sway to the winds that disturb their very leaves, I love the rustling of the leaves and the fresh air I breathe, In this place increasingly I sense I’m becoming more real Listening can be a tonic but within me the sounds will still.
I am in this holiday place where gulls cry out to no one, But they sail on passed me in a cocky way; are you done They scream as I lay listening in the warm afternoon sun, The sea in the distance beckons me to join in the throng I expect nothing more than to hear my best ever song That echoes around inside my head all the day long.
I am on this doorstep listening to the people on the inside Trapped I am wondering whether the door bell on the outside Will scream obscenities to all within beyond this door, What matter is it to me if they hear the truth and much more What do I care, they do deserve an earful of fuck and bloody I rang the bell and moved away not speaking until I’m ready.
I am in this bed listening to the clock mocking my sleepy eyes I can’t sleep, as usual, the whirring of my brain I now realise Doesn’t want me to put head to pillow and get down to sleeping No it wants me at its mercy it repeats over a phrase I’m keeping, Hidden away inside my heart where I wait for its completion. It’s been a long long time, I am aware of its possible depletion.
I am on a carousel most people would call life and listening To what they say about it only makes me feel like disappearing, So I can gather evidence of an energy to discover the feeling Down inside of me that I have lost something of true meaning I see pictures of lakes, ducks dragon flies, geese and cranes, In the sunlight I spy a shadow that needs to be in light again.
I was walking on a cracked pavement without knowing, I was where I was but I did not care I did not calculate the date or the year But I could not declare Just why I was there I could not guess so I laid it open to suggestion But there it is
Right in front of everything bar invention In my new waterproof coat of anxiety I was staring passed a dream into the empty Regions where dreams finally went to sleep But there it is
An impossible laying down of the phrases That really meant nothing at all in all phases The colour of each dream I took notice piled them up against the firmly closed door did I hear you screaming for more what is this where people stop talking laughter strangled at birth a slaughter took place instead of mirth But I could not switch it off I was crestfallen and wretched in lines I looked to the skies I was wanting a kind Hand to lift me up to sing a song But there it is
I was knee deep in this river of life Where all the leaves in my tree departed Could I not control this subtle strife Or was I open to a savage strap across my back I was unaware of the weight in this or the lack Until I turned my face to the sun What is it that turns tragedy into fun The smiles are not false the eyes are gleaming When I called out your name I fell to my knees – I was next to shame But there it is
An anchor for a safety device Over the top against all the advice If it works why worry about safety I don’t My resolve is stiffened against the rising moon It would be placed at my feet and soon Because each moonbeam would be weighed by clouds Time to unravel each strand in the silence not out loud. But there it is.
Black thoughts Because black is beautiful Black thoughts Because black people have them Black thoughts Because anarchists believe in them Black thoughts Because media shows distort them Black thoughts Because clichés torture or kill them Black thoughts Because black thoughts are feared Black thoughts Because the rain of truth is near Black thoughts Because the colour of my thoughts are black
I’m having black thoughts Of wonderful paradise islands Where only the good light shines Into the darkest shadows Where the fear and ignorance resides.
I’m having black thoughts Into a world where the good light Shines Where my hand is touching Another’s Where the black thoughts are dying.
1. Lifting the veil aside I smiled as I spied the curling lip the exaggerated stride strutting Elvis in his Blue Suede shoes or were they really leather?
2. The mirror was cool Its eye looked at you But you’re not sure Whether you saw What the mirror wanted to reveal
3 It’s a cloud away Only an eternity’s journey The wholeness Is the universe Is the Love In the whole you.
I lie beneath the naked branches of the moon tree, I can feel it waiting for sap to rise up from the roots burst open its first buds drawing upon inner energy this moon tree is cold and tired of the winter months.
It has been so long since the sap was racing around Inside its trunk along the branches and into the leaves Its obvious splendour ready to surprise and astound Throughout the more kinder months of every year.
I lie here like the moon tree for I feel a sap rising in me Made of the substance of dance, song, loving and poetry, I wonder why I waited this long to take ready account I was only dying but now I am more than ready to sprout.
I once saw a moon tree as I strolled the field parameter Without a care I looked into an approaching nude tree To find the moon was shining through it and later Its significance caught me and I pondered is that me?
The moon has been my inner companion for many years I obtain comfort when I see it in the night sky gleaming, Its age not lost on me – at times its sorrow brings tears For I feel its loneliness when I was meant to be dreaming.
There have been times when I have tried to talk to the moon I never imagined it could hear my puny soft spoken tones, I was satisfied that I had made the attempt for all too soon It would sink slowly down past the horizon leaving me alone.
Escape into the latest prison And the smile That was once the length Of a day Will slip into the dancing butterfly’s meagre home. Go to the wall Listen to your dreams Read your latest headlines.
Watch as the prison bars Turn out to be marshmallow Laugh with me Dance with the laughter Cock your smile At the wise old moon.
Simmer In this summer With knowledge Watch the prison warders As they melt away from reality That can only be theirs They fade and die Fade and die Because I created them
Escape in to the deepest dungeon As your thoughts Find unused discarded knives Laugh with me Dance with the laughter Cock your smile At the fading sun.
Dream your dreams away Rainy day dream away The laughter echoes Inside these prison walls Watch my hand As it fades away As the daylight crawls Towards another day.
Don’t watch me As I scratch another word for free Leave the switch on As the smile broadens And the day becomes long.
Laugh with me Dance with the laughter Cock your smile The world will smile with you Escape into the wordage Of well worn paths Listen to the escaping gases Make only the slightest guesses Then cry with the baying wolves For I have cool reminder Of what can only be seen as cruel.
Your prison hearts are antelopes eyes Your smiles are not even there at all Don’t spin the sun I’m not here for fun Laugh with me Dance with the laughter Cock your smile Watch your feet dry up.
Escape into the guessing game You can ride with me As I lift off into the sky Don’t be too strong Leave these prison walls Holiday in the balm Of discovering where you stand; Laugh with me Dance with the laughter Cock your smile At the wise old moon.
DISSENTERS VOICE 